Commish Bish 22-23

CONGRATULATIONS Coach Tim!

THE NUMBERS ARE IN and ... Tannesaurus Rex... err, I mean Lamar Your Not Entertained, wait... I got it this time: Lamb of god squeezed out the last "W" needed to take home the 2022 Warrior Poets Championship Title.

After possibly the weirdest week in football with the Bills/Bengals game being cancelled, Coach Tim called up his good friend Roger Goodell and promised him a Z-J if the week 17 game was not rescheduled. This act of the Lamb of god, was a literal miracle that gave him a second chance. Coach Tim was able to recover from what was only a 30% chance of winning 5 minutes into the week 17 game.

Coach Tim beat us all including Coach Matt by 2.16 points and he is taking home the biggest prize to date! Finishing the season 11-3, the second most points for the season, and the second least points scored against him (we were scared of his team names) he was primed for a Victory, and he survived until the very end thanks to studs Travis Kelce and CeeDee Lamb who each finished with more than 300 points on the season.

Congratulations you now have bragging rights for the next year!

... and we all hope that it is only 1 year! ;p

What's next for the League?

January 21st at 4:00pm - Meet at Romo's Pizzeria for possibly the most fun way to finish the fantasy year, The End of Year Gathering! It's been a covid lifetime since the last one, but this one is going to be extra special. We will have food, the most money to dish out, spreadsheets of stats to make fun of other coaches or yourself... but also, we have some punishments to dish out. Coach James is this year's recipient of the one thing none of us wanted, last place. (Coach David needs to make up a punishment too, that involves pizza... sounds like it's the perfect time!) Looking like we may have at least a few guest appearances as well. Looking forward to seeing you ALL there! You too Aaron, Mark and Morgan Freeman!

Here we go...

Unlucky/Lucky Year 13... in the final witching hour... something unprecedented happened in our Fantasy League and I wouldn't have it any other way!

8 Fantasy teams were affected by a total of 9 Players that did not get an opportunity to play their game in Week 17 due to the Damar Hamlin injury that occurred in Cincinnati Monday Night (thankfully he is awake and recovering now). Team owners that had those players in their Fantasy Line-up had absolutely no way of knowing that something like a postponement of a game that had already begun would or could ever occur.

As of 2:35PM ET this afternoon, the NFL has announced that the game between the Bengals and the Bills, WILL NOT be played.

I’m glad that there was at least a final decision so that we could resolve our current Fantasy League situation, sometimes as commissioner you are forced to make a decision that is fair for EVERYONE in the league. Multiple games and teams were affected by Monday's events, including the Weekly High Score Prize and the Championship game.

I know that being the commissioner AND being in the Championship game makes whatever decision I make seem like it could be biased, but I can assure you I work on being as fair and unbiased as possible; and just know I would be looking for the same resolution if I was not in the Championship game. I have spent the past 3 days inquiring with multiple leagues, commissioners and online sources on what they are doing in their leagues. All those I spoke with are doing the same one thing. But in the spirit of fairness and fun, I will be presenting you with 2 options to be voted on by you.

Allowing the stats and the Fantasy numbers to play out on the field is, in my opinion, the best resolution for our league. It would be an "easy out" to do some of the crazy ideas that were proposed online in the last few days, like just give the Bills and Bengals players their projected points or even simply declaring "Co-Champions" to those in contention, i.e. the Redshirt Expendables and Lamb of god ~ but both those options just don’t make sense. I even thought about plugging our teams into Madden 23 and auto simulating it on Broadcast mode for us all to see the outcome! HA! (I might still do this…)

ANYWAYS here are your options:

Option 1: Plugging in Wk 18’s point for the Wk 17 Bengals and Bills players that did not get to finish playing 85% of their game.

How that would happen:

~ Yahoo DOES allow for manually updating points by the Commissioner (don’t worry I have never done this, and if I did it would send you all a notification in the League Feed). So, Week 18’s game points can be added(or subtracted) to the Week 17 matchup. So, the following teams could still accumulate points from the following players in Week 18 that could be manually applied to their Week 17 score..

Tompa Baydy - Stefon Diggs (WR)

Second Harvest - Joe Mixon (RB)

Lamb of god - Tyler Bass (K)

Redshirt Expendables - Joe Burrow (QB)

High Speed Chase - Ja'Marr Chase (WR) & E. McPherson (K)

Shawshank Rhamondre – Tee Higgins (WR)

The Debacle – Josh Allen (QB)

Impotent Sea Snakes – Buffalo (DEF)

~ The points would be updated accordingly in Wk 17 and outcomes auto simulated in

Option 2: Leaving the week as is. The Fantasy Gods have spoken, tough luck for everyone.

How that would happen:

~ Yahoo would have no point changes and the resolution to each game stands "as is" in the Yahoo League.

~~ Please Vote below before Friday 1/6 at noon. I will share the results of the Vote with the league tomorrow around noon or whenever a majority has voted. ~~

~ VOTE HERE ~

How much closer can the projections get?!The winner will be etched in the upper echelons of Warrior Poets History, and the other will take a back seat to Championship gloat show.

Monday Night!

This is it. Tonight, last game of the season and the leagues 2022 Season Champion will be declared. Will it be first timer Coach Tim?

Chilling with an 8.76 lead, the newly named "Lamb of god" team has one player remaining. 11th round pick and 8th best Kicker Tyler Bass Averages 9.2 pts. a game and is projected to score 9.4 pts. Will it be enough or with the Buffalo Defense keep Coach Matt's QB Joe Burrow at bay? Coach Matt's 6th round pick and 4th Best QB Averaging 23.4 points a game and projected at almost 22, can he keep it up against the 2nd toughest Defense against QB's? Matt has a 3.76 projected point advantage but is playing from behind.

SO, does Coach Matt and the Redshirt Expendables take home another Championship?

End of Year Gathering:

January 21st @ 4:30pm - Romo's Pizzeria

- Handing out Prizes & PUNISHMENTS -

blathering blatherskite!

12/21/22

Thats right, some of you didn't make it to the next round... some of you were safe from elimination (VERY luckily) and some of you just stayed classy. This is the 2nd to last week of Fantasy. You've trimmed the fat on your team, gained some fat by stress eating, and now are trying to figure out if the 20 inches of snow coming to Buffalo is going to affect your players?! (It isn't) BUT it may somewhere else... crunching numbers and looking at match ups harder than you have before... unless you're out of it and don't care anymore... then poo on you! Speaking of Poo... a Poonishment will be decided this week...

Jenny or James... whats your vote?

BYE WEEK Luck &

Hope$ Squandered

Coach Reese on a 4 Game win streak lays a golden egg on top of Coach Aarons valiant showing. M. Wild's gRape Van's Jalen Hurts put up a hefty 36.7 points and S. Barkley came to party with 23, but up against High Speed Chases: Jerick Mckinnon(34.2 points), Derrick Henry (26.3) and Ja'Marr Chase (19) all who surpassed projections, was not in the cards. Better Luck next year Aaron!

Coach Matt and Coach Guy had a closely projected game this past week. Guy took an early Sunday lead of over 47 points but suffered a Big hit in losing Jonathan Taylor for the season after only 2.3 points. Thanks also to a 2nd half showing for Joe Burrow for Redshirt Expendables with 4 TD's. Keep Building Guy~!

Coach Tim and Coach Mike/Mark should be counting their Lucky points because if they had to play teams this week they both would have lost. 1st playing 6th and 2nd playing 5th.

Punishments Narrowed

& 7th Place Race

Coach Sam coming in HOT!!! Dropping a heavy high scoring load on the unlucky Suess is Loose. DomePatrol's Zay Jones (34.9), K. Cousins (34.4) and G. Kittle (25.3) all posted their best games of the year helping Sam surpass his projections by over 50 points. If Coach James played any other team in the Consolation Bracket, he would have secured a W and moved to the next round. Reevaluate and Rebuild year, waxed leg may or may not be included.

Coach Eamonn emerged victorious despite a poor performance from Tannehill, Hockenson, Tucker and the KC Def; thanks to Dotson and McCaffrey posting plump numbers. Coach Jenny had an uphill battle, especially with an empty roster spot, but more so with not starting her best team, leaving game changing points on her bench. Can The Debacle get one more Win or will the public eat her alive on the open mic stage.

Coach Jimmy and Coach David are on their way to the next round after some rest. Second Harvest put up a respectable score while on BYE but Tompa Baydy ran towards the Shame Wagon with a rough showing.

Battle of the Names

One clever team name VS an incorrectly quoted team name. Flip a coin, because this one is close! Both sporting high projected weekly points, this may come down to the Baltimore players, both coming of injuries. But are they actually "playing" this week. Both teams are sporting Running Backs that were originally drafted by Coach Jenny... will one decide the fate of who moves onto the Championship Game??

Beauty and the Beast

Coach Luscious Locks Matt vs the 3 Headed Beast of the Apocalypse: Coach Mike/Mark/Morgan. The Shawshank Rhamondre has been found to have been one of the Luckiest teams, due to many factors most notably Divine Morgan Freeman Interventions. As for Redshirt Expendables they are one of the Unluckiest teams and had to fight to get a spot in the playoffs. Matt's Sheer Beauty has made this possible by dumbfounding his opponents, and with Coach Mike, this will be like riding a bike. Projections Smections. Kmet, your former 9th round draft pick will be your downfall. MWAHAHA

A Most Unexciting Game

Coach Aaron and Coach Guy are playing for the ELUSTRIOUS 5th place, which has no prize. The only prize they are playing for now is the weekly High Score prize. Good Luck to both of you!

You two may have the funniest player names on your team, that is all.

Lopsided? Says Who?

DomePatrol is newly aware that projections are only a security blanket that Coach Sam likes to shred to bits. His now healthier team might have a chance to make up the 20-point projected deficit against Second Harvest, maybe with another Zay Jones 35 point banger? Coach Jimmy is harnessing the power of the highest scoring WR, Justin Jefferson, as he makes a dash for cash. Hoping that high scoring Kirk, Hopkins and Mixon can put up respectable points as well.

Winner goes on to next round to try and win the 7th place prize.

RB's VS WR's

Coach Eamonn is sporting a strong RB Core with McCaffrey, Jacobs, and Swift but is lacking in consistency in the WR department. On the other side Coach David is showcasing a strong WR Squad with Diggs and Smith-Schuster. Where do I think this 50/50 game will be decided.... at QB. Which QB will step up to score some extra points? Where will the winner likely be decided.... by the KICKER! Can Tucker push his team ahead? But Maybe the #1 DEF Patriots go to town?

Winner goes on to next round to try and win the 7th place prize.

"GAME OF THE WEEK"

Thats right ladies and gentleman, this week we will know who comes in LAST PLACE. The glorious 12th Place Punishment Spot. Coach James is playing to avoid a full leg waxing in front of all his favorite people... us. Coach Jenny is playing to avoid an open mic night set in front of her biggest fans... us!

As you try to figure out how you got here, I will throw out a few ideas, low scoring 1st round RB's... maybe someone dropped more than half their team... maybe one of you drafted whiney man baby Tom Brady and he laid some turds this year... Keepers did not pan out to their keeper value... holding onto "what if's?". A surprising coin toss of a game, good luck to both of you!

12/21/22 Weekly High Scores for: $$

Week 1: M. Wild’s gRape Van – 165.12

Week 2: Redshirt Expendables – 168.56

Week 3: Lamar Your Not Entertained – 171.22

Week 4: MyCouchPullsOutIDont – 178.40

Week 5: M. Wild’s gRape Van – 150.34

Week 6: The Shawshank Rhamondre – 157.02

Week 7: Redshirt Expendables – 157.54

Week 8: Lamar Your Not Entertained – 158.27

Week 9: Second Harvest – 168.08

Week 10: Lamar Your Not Entertained – 148.07

Week 11: The Shawshank Rhamondre – 160.06

Week 12: Second Harvest – 144.20

Week 13: The Shawshank Rhamondre – 145.67

Week 14: Redshirt Expendables – 142.96

Week 15: DomePatrol – 159.40

Weekly Low Scores for: Shame

Week 1: The Dobby Debacle – 101.08

Week 2: Second Harvest – 74.96

Week 3: DomePatrol – 69.91

Week 4: The Suess is Loose – 77.05

Week 5: Second Harvest – 86.30

Week 6: The Dobby Debacle – 84.26

Week 7: The Dobby Debacle – 66.17

Week 8: The Shawshank Rhamondre – 81.79

Week 9: MyCouchPullsOutIDont – 84.86

Week 10: The Dobby Debacle – 94.10

Week 11: The Dobby Debacle – 67.08

Week 12: DomePatrol – 95.03

Week 13: DomePatrol – 81.41

Week 14: The Shawshank Rhamondre – 83.63

Week 15: Tompa Baydy – 87.90

12/21/22 Waivers Wire Acquisitions:

Jenny: 40

Tim: 34

Jimmy: 27

Mike/Mark/Morgan: 26

Matt: 24

Aaron: 21

Guy: 21

David: 19

Reese: 18

Sam: 15

Eamonn: 14

James: 10

Owns a Top 12 ranked player by position

Name: QB/RB/WR/TE/K/DEF – TOTAL

(BLUE highlight for owning #1 in category)

MMM: 1/2/1/2/1/0 - 7 (-1)

Reese: 1/1/2/1/1/1 - 7 (+1)

Aaron: 1/2/1/0/1/1 - 6 (-1)

Guy: 1/1/1/1/1/1 - 6 (+1)

Tim: 1/0/2/1/1/1 - 6 (+1)

Matt: 1/1/1/1/1/0- 5 (-1)

David: 1/1/1/1/0/1 - 5 (+1)

Jenny: 2/0/0/1/1/1 - 5 (-)

Sam: 2/1/0/1/0/1 - 5 (-)

Eamonn: 0/2/0/1/1/1 - 5 (-)

James: 1/0/1/0/1/1 - 4 (-1)

Jimmy: 0/1/2/0/0/0 - 3 (-)

BYES, Playoffs and $Hapoopie

12/15/22 - Our time in fantasy land is dwindling, with just 3 weeks remaining, it's all systems go for postseason play, a dash for cash and a run for your life from punishment.

Congratulations is in order! The Shawshank Rhamondre has secured the Regular Season High Score Prize by scoring 1815.94 points! That is 21.82 points more than the next highest scorer, Coach Tim, and 343 more than the lowest scorer, Coach Jenny! Mike, Mark and Morgan even made 3 appearances on the Weekly High Scores and 2 on the Weekly Low Scores so far.

Championship Contenders wK 15

What you're looking at: Yahoo's score at each of your positions, including your bench, and gives you a rank.

Coach Tim has the best TE in Kelce but weakest in the QB category with an injured Lamar, back up Huntley and redhead wonder Andy Dalton. As well as a weaker RB squad. Coach Tim has now made it to the playoffs 7 times in 12 years, can he finish the race and end up on top? Luck has been on your side as you have had the 2nd easiest schedule of the year! He earned himself a BYE week. Team Score: 42 (4th)

Coach Mike/Mark/Morgan has a strong QB, WR, and TE squad with the best Flex position selections (which is currently Rhamondre) Sporting the best overall squad. The team with the worst win percentage in the league coming into this season at 34%, finds themselves with the most points and the strongest team, can they make a miraculous turnaround? They Earned themselves a BYE week. Team Score: 29 (1st)

Coach Matt is the only person in the playoffs who has won a Championship before (which surely everyone is rooting against him even more!), he has a solid WR core with Tyrek Hill and Michael Williams but is lacking in the RB/TE/DEF, not sure how he made it to 3rd place... Luck. Going up against Coach Guy and the Sea Snakes, it may come down to "Hill vs Waddle" and "Fields/Kmet chemistry." With less than a 5-point projected advantage, it might as well not be an advantage at all. Team Score: 47 (7th)

Coach Aaron is sporting a stellar QB in Jalen Hurts and a respectable front RB group in Barkley and Chubb. Hard time finding reliable WR and TE. The former 1st place wonder is now hanging at 4th and going up against Coach Reese's High Speed Chase. A projected 6-point difference nail biter of a game, Coach Aaron may have a slight RB edge, but will it be enough to combat the WR edge on the opposing team. This is Coach Aarons 4th trip to the playoffs in 9 years, he has yet to place above 5th, will that change this year? Team Score: 51 (9th)

Coach Reese is donning above average WR's & RB's as well as K's and DEF, but has middle of the pack QB and TE value. His team once had 3 players on IR, and we are all wondering if the curse of the Dobbins Debacle is over as he snatched him up and he scored a whopping 18 points his first week back. Will he be the difference needed to secure a W to progress to the next round of the playoffs? Coach Reese placed 2nd the last two years, and last year put up the most points ever in a single week (216.14) in league history, is this the year he wins the big one? Team Score: 38 (3rd)

Coach Guy has now made it to the playoffs 2 years in a row after 5 years of not making it, and although he did not score as many points as he did in his record-breaking year last year (1955.76), his RB crew and solid Defense has brought him to the playoffs once again, as well as the lucky addition of Justin Fields at QB. But will his sub-par TE and Flex position selections be enough to get him to the next round? Luck has been on his side all year with the least number of points scored against him. Team Score: 44 (6th)

Consolation Contenders WK 15

What you're looking at: Yahoo's score at each of your positions, including your bench, and gives you a rank.

Coach Jimmy former 2-time League Champion AND 2-time Consolation Bracket winner finds himself looking to get a 3rd in the latter. With the best WR Core and Flex position options, as well the cherry on top with his kicker, he is a solid contender. Justin Jefferson is the top scoring WR, but Coach Jimmy also has C. Kirk, C. Olave, and D. Hopkins carving out some serious points. TE is his worst position but being in 7th place has earned himself a BYE week. Team Score: 42 (4th) Punishment: Leg Waxing

Coach David is a former Consolation Bracket winner from the first year he joined the league in 2018. He kept Alvin Kamara at the 11th round that year and he has had that frustration ever since! This year has been rough at QB/K/DEF and mediocre everywhere else. With Darren Waller going down early in the year, the Stefon Diggs trade has been his saving grace. He has time to figure out which of his 4 TE's to start by next week, as he has earned himself a BYE this week. Team Score: 55 (11th) Punishment: Open Mic Night

Coach Eamonn former 2-time League Champion finds himself battling for 7th place, which he has won once before. Maybe he needs to stir up some of that old "Murder Boner" energy, winning the first pick of the draft with his kicks and throws landed him with the best RB crew, led by McCaffrey. With the strongest plays at K and DEF this year, he has been able to put up decent point in the Consolation bracket despite being one of the unluckiest teams. With nearly a 20-point advantage over Coach Jenny this week, the only concerns are a weak QB & WR core, especially with Deebo going down. Team Score: 34 (2nd) Punishment: Leg Waxing

Coach Sam was hanging out in 12th just to pop up to 10th last minute! Good thing too, this gives you a slightly better match up with Coach James. With the weakest WR's in the league, Mike Evans was your 1st round draft pick, and he is trying his best on a flailing Tampa team, your second WR draft pick of Rashod Bateman in the 5th went to IR early, Sky Moore in the 9th has Season Rank of 354, and Romeo Doubs in the 15th has missed half the season. Only 1 remains on your team. Your sophomore slump has surely taught you some things, you may have the highest team win % now at 66%, but there will be an update come January! But not all of it is the sophmore slump's fault you have had the second hardest schedule with over 1800 points scored against you. Adjust that roster, take some risks and go for that Consolation Prize! Team Score: 52 (10th) Punishment: Belly Button Piercing

Coach James has made the playoffs 5 times, but not this year although he is a former consolation bracket winner x1. The leagues oldest member alongside the commissioner and 2017 multi record holder finds himself in dire straits fighting for another Consolation Prize. With a surprisingly low score at RB/Flex/K and DEF, this Yahoo system has me scratching my head as the Dallas defense is the 2nd highest scoring defense. Meh... math isn't for everyone, but it is for me! 1841.73, that's the number of points scored against you and the unluckiest schedule. Thats 300 points more than 2 other teams! Time to make some calculated risks and update that roster! Team Score: 62 (12th) Punishment: Leg Waxing

Coach Jenny Former League Champ and highscorer, oh boy... The Debacle is right. Where do we start? Is there even light at the end of this tunnel? Lets start here, you have 5 of your original drafted players left on your team. 0 of your 5 RB's are on your team, including your first round pick in JK Dobbins... who you dropped and he scored 18 points last week. Making more Waiver Wire moves than Coach Tim is a feat no one has ever done before... lets see if you keep that title! Ha! I'd say its time to make risks but I dont want you to drop anymore players... LOL! With a solid QB and TE performance for the year (but Goedert broke your heart by going to IR) your team has struggled at RB... because you keep dropping them. lol! As someone with one of the highest winning percentages in the league, I can see you looking back at this year and chuckling. Just dont come in last! Team Score: 50 (8th) Punishment: Open Mic Night

Time to trim your squads of all the fat and "what-if's" so you are streamlined for success over these next few weeks. Players like:

Damien Harris (56% Rostered, Season Rank: 241) Unreliable Poop Burrito.

Cam Akers (64% Rostered, Season Rank: 265) 2-time double digit turtle head popper.

Dawson Knox (77% Rostered, TE Rank: 18th) TURD SANDWICH.

Kyle Pitts (37% Rostered, IR, Averaged 7.5 points/week and was drafted 2nd round) Expensive Turd Sandwich.

Michael Thomas (23% Rostered, IR, Season Rank: 302) Old Toe Shart Smoothie that is probably going to retire.

Kadarius Toney (33% Rostered, Season Rank: 382) Its time to sacrifice Toney Baloney to the Porcelain Gods

C. Edwards-Helaire (37% Rostered, IR, Season Rank: 176) Whitey Tightey Choco Streak that showed up then got washed out.

Ty Johnson (5% Rostered, Season Rank: 369) There's a curly hair in my Jet... I mean feces.

Andy Dalton (9% Rostered, QB Rank: 24) A redheaded loaf ready to receive Poseidon's Kiss

Foster Moreau (40% Rostered, TE Rank: 29th) He's "Number Two" for a reason...

Corey Davis (18% Rostered, Season Rank: 219) Banged up floater that goes down often but floats back up and still stinks.

Jarvis Landry (17% Rostered, Season Rank 272) A White and Gold piece of Dung stuck to a "Bless 'em" sticker.

Mike Gesicki (32% Rostered, Season Rank 244) A big pile of Manure would have caught more than this guy the past 3 weeks...

Alexander Mattison (33% Rostered, Season Rank: 270) Handcuffs between a work horse & a brown log have no use in the postseason.

Devin Duvernay (47% Rostered, Season Rank: 153) Likely not an air-filled fart, but an oily discharge for the rest of the season.

12/15/22 Weekly High Scores for: $$

Week 1: M. Wild’s gRape Van – 165.12

Week 2: Redshirt Expendables – 168.56

Week 3: Lamar Your Not Entertained – 171.22

Week 4: MyCouchPullsOutIDont – 178.40

Week 5: M. Wild’s gRape Van – 150.34

Week 6: The Shawshank Rhamondre – 157.02

Week 7: Redshirt Expendables – 157.54

Week 8: Lamar Your Not Entertained – 158.27

Week 9: Second Harvest – 168.08

Week 10: Lamar Your Not Entertained – 148.07

Week 11: The Shawshank Rhamondre – 160.06

Week 12: Second Harvest – 144.20

Week 13: The Shawshank Rhamondre – 145.67

Week 14: Redshirt Expendables – 142.96

Weekly Low Scores for: Shame

Week 1: The Dobby Debacle – 101.08

Week 2: Second Harvest – 74.96

Week 3: DomePatrol – 69.91

Week 4: The Suess is Loose – 77.05

Week 5: Second Harvest – 86.30

Week 6: The Dobby Debacle – 84.26

Week 7: The Dobby Debacle – 66.17

Week 8: The Shawshank Rhamondre – 81.79

Week 9: MyCouchPullsOutIDont – 84.86

Week 10: The Dobby Debacle – 94.10

Week 11: The Dobby Debacle – 67.08

Week 12: DomePatrol – 95.03

Week 13: DomePatrol – 81.41

Week 14: The Shawshank Rhamondre – 83.63

12/15/22 Waivers Wire Acquisitions:

Jenny: 39

Tim: 32

Jimmy: 26

Mike/Mark/Morgan: 25

Matt: 23

Aaron: 21

Guy: 21

David: 19

Reese: 18

Sam: 15

Eamonn: 12

James: 10

Owns a Top 12 ranked player by position

Name: QB/RB/WR/TE/K/DEF – TOTAL

(BLUE highlight for owning #1 in category)

MMM: 1/2/1/2/1/1 - 8 (-1)

Aaron: 1/2/2/0/1/1 - 7 (+1)

Matt: 1/1/1/1/1/1- 6 (-1)

Reese: 1/1/1/1/1/1 - 6 (+1)

Guy: 1/1/1/0/1/1 - 5 (-2)

Tim: 1/0/1/1/1/1 - 5 (-)

James: 1/0/2/0/1/1 - 5 (-)

David: 1/1/1/1/0/1 - 5 (-)

Jenny: 2/0/0/2/1/0 - 5 (+1)

Sam: 2/1/0/1/0/1 - 5 (+1)

Eamonn: 0/2/0/1/1/0 - 4 (-1)

Jimmy: 0/1/2/0/0/0 - 3 (-1)

Playoffs?!

11/30/22 - With 2 weeks left in the regular season, there are 8 teams playing for the last 3 playoff spots.

3 teams clinched playoff spots

1 team ramping up to make a run in the Consolation Bracket

3 Teams have CLINCHED and secured their spots for a chance at Fantasy Glory:

Lamar Your Not Entertained (Tim) - Wk 12 injury might be shaking the foundation, can you last a lil longer for a Wk 15 Playoff BYE? We hope not, unless that means your entire team gets injured then.... ok.
The Shawshank Rhamondre (Mike/Mark/Morgan) - Mightve done worse than projections Wk 12 but a projected 148.24 Wk 13 is the highest yet!! Now with 9... yup thats right 9 Top 12 players on your team, the league needs God aka Morgan Freeman to have mercy on the rest of us.
Redshirt Expendables (Matt) - Isn't it Amazing how beautiful and lucky you are <3

1 Team has been eliminated from Playoff Contention:

DomePatrol (Sam) - Time to put yourself in a spot to win games Wk 15, 16, & 17 for that $125 Consolation 7th Place Prize

Now where does that leave you?

M. Wild's gRape Van ~ Win and you're in! If you happen to lose the next two games you want Second Harvest and Tompa Baydy to each lose a game OR not score more total season points than you (which they are close!). Luckily or Unluckily for you the next 2 match ups are close matches with The Suess is Loose & Second Harvest. Tyler Lockett panned out to be a good trade acquisition as he is your best WR at the moment, and juggling who will score more points as your 2nd WR spot/Fles will be the challenge.
Impotent Sea Snakes ~ Win and you're in! If you happen to lose the next two games you want Second Harvest and Tompa Baydy to each lose a game OR not score more total season points than you (which they are close or even already ahead!). Luckily AND Unluckily for you the next 2 match ups are close matches with Tompa Baydy and DomePatrol. Flex Position playing will be key this week, but figuring out your week 14 BYES is going to be a challenge, will Odell be on a team to play yet?
High Speed Chase ~ Win twice and you're in! But that is a tall order especially when you are playing point leader Lamar Your Not Entertained(Tim). Win once and hope for Second Harvest, Tompa Baydy not to get two wins. OR Win once but Second Harvest and Tompa Baydy need baby scores and you need monster scores as you are 70 and 40 points behind them, respectfully. You may need to make some room on that roster for some winners!
Second Harvest ~ Win Twice and you're in.... maybe... That is because points and record. High Speed Chase, M. Wild's gRape Van Impotent Sea Snakes are on shakey ground with their own schedule and point values. Overtaking Coach Reese is your best shot as his schedule is tough, especially with the lower point total he has; with that, you could win one game, have Coach Reese lose 2 games and you still put-up decent scores and you have a spot in the playoffs. You cannot lose twice and get in. MyCouchPullsOutIDont has a slight projected advantage over you this week and week 14 holds your second drafted team aka Coach Aarons team in which you will likely have a slight advantage over. If Coach Reese wins and you lose this week you are out and planning for that Consolation Bracket Prize. You also need to make sure Tompa Baydy doesn't win or score more than you; you have a 35-point lead as of now.
Tompa Baydy ~ Win Twice and you're in.... maybe... That is because points and record. High Speed Chase, M. Wild's gRape Van Impotent Sea Snakes are on shakey ground with their own schedule and point values. Overtaking Coach Reese is your best shot as his schedule is tough, especially with the lower point total he has; with that, you could win one game, have Coach Reese lose 2 games and you still put-up decent scores and you have a spot in the playoffs. You cannot lose twice and get in. If Coach Reese wins and you lose this week you are out and planning for that Consolation Bracket Prize. You also have the toughest matchup of the week playing against Coach Mike/Mark/Morgan You also need to make sure Second Harvest doesn't win or score more than you; you have a 35-point deficit as of now.
MyCouchPullsOutIDont ~ Ohh buddy... Win Twice and you're in.... maybe... LIKE SUPER MAYBE and that is because you can only acheive the 6th playoff spot and you NEED High Speed Chase to lose 2 games and then you need Second Harvest and Tompa Baydy to only win up to one game and not score more points than you by the end of Wk 14. You currently have more points then Coach Reese, Jimmy, David, James and Jenny who are all itching for a spot! Week 13 shows you have a slight advantage over Second Harvest and then a tough match up against Redshirt Expendables. If the playoffs are not your thing, the consolation bracket and a possible wk 15 BYE are all possibilities.
The Suess is Loose ~ An uphill battle for sure... Win Twice and you're in.... maybe... LIKE SUPER DUPER MAYBE and that is because you can only acheive the 6th playoff spot and you NEED High Speed Chase to lose 2 games and then you need Second Harvest and Tompa Baydy to only win up to one game and not score more points than you by the end of Wk 14. You also need to watch out for Coach Eamonn who is sitting at the same record as you but has over 90 points more than you. With two winnable games coming up against Coach Aaron and Coach Sam, the wins have to be grand slams so you can have a chance to step over High Speed Chase's 50 point lead.
The Dobby Debacle ~ Who would've thought there would be a miracle of a chance. Not only are your chances .00001% in making the playoffs, but even Howard Ratner from Uncut Gems wouldn't spend a dollar betting you would make it. The odds are not in your favor, with so many that have points much higher than you, you not only need to win both games, but you would need record breaking back to back weeks, possibly surpassing 200 points each to make up the 150 point deficit from AT LEAST Coach Reese, not to mention the other point scenarios as you should focus on winning this tough matchup this week against Coach Matt. But climbing Mt. Everest might not be in the cards this year and turning to players on your team and the Waiver Wire for a chance at Consolation Bracket Glory is truly your best shot at a Dobbins Debacle redemption.

11/30/22 Weekly High Scores for: $$

Week 1: M. Wild’s gRape Van – 165.12

Week 2: Redshirt Expendables – 168.56

Week 3: Lamar Your Not Entertained – 171.22

Week 4: MyCouchPullsOutIDont – 178.40

Week 5: M. Wild’s gRape Van – 150.34

Week 6: The Shawshank Rhamondre – 157.02

Week 7: Redshirt Expendables – 157.54

Week 8: Lamar Your Not Entertained – 158.27

Week 9: Second Harvest – 168.08

Week 10: Lamar Your Not Entertained – 148.07

Week 11: The Shawshank Rhamondre – 160.06

Week 12: Second Harvest – 144.20

Weekly Low Scores for: Shame

Week 1: The Dobby Debacle – 101.08

Week 2: Second Harvest – 74.96

Week 3: DomePatrol – 69.91

Week 4: The Suess is Loose – 77.05

Week 5: Second Harvest – 86.30

Week 6: The Dobby Debacle – 84.26

Week 7: The Dobby Debacle – 66.17

Week 8: The Shawshank Rhamondre – 81.79

Week 9: MyCouchPullsOutIDont – 84.86

Week 10: The Dobby Debacle – 94.10

Week 11: The Dobby Debacle – 67.08

Week 12: DomePatrol – 95.03

11/30/22 Waivers Wire Acquisitions:

Jenny: 37

Tim: 30

Mike/Mark/Morgan: 24

Jimmy: 22

Matt: 21

Reese: 18

David: 17

Aaron: 16

Sam: 14

Guy: 14

Eamonn: 11

James: 10

Owns a Top 12 ranked player by position

Name: QB/RB/WR/TE/K/DEF – TOTAL

(BLUE highlight for owning #1 in category)

MMM: 1/2/2/2/1/1 - 9 (+2)

Matt: 1/1/1/2/1/1 - 7 (-)

Guy: 2/1/1/1/1/1 - 7 (+1)

Aaron: 1/2/1/0/1/1 - 6 (-1)

Tim: 1/0/1/1/1/1 - 5 (-)

Eamonn: 1/2/0/1/1/0 - 5 (-)

James: 1/0/2/0/1/1 - 5 (-1)

David: 1/1/1/1/0/1 - 5 (+2)

Reese: 1/1/1/0/1/1 - 5 (+2)

Jenny: 1/0/0/1/1/1 - 4 (-)

Sam: 1/1/0/1/0/1 - 4 (-)

Jimmy: 0/1/2/1/0/0 - 4 (-)

Unlucky Number SLeven?

11/23/22 ~ Week 12 is upon us, the playoffs are 3 more games away, and why in the Antonio Brown Meltdown does your team suck?! Or better yet why do you suck!

Well I am here to tell you!

I gathered a series of statistics and made up... I mean created a very serious database of 6 statistics to show how Unlucky or Lucky you are.

This sheet shows how much you won each game by. If you just barely won the game that week by a low score, that would be considered LUCKY. Tompa Baydy had the two luckiest weeks by winning by the smallest margin so far this year (Yellow highlighted squares). Overall DomePatrol was the luckiest with the lowest average winning score. On the Flip Side, Second Harvest was the "UNLUCKIEST" because he won his games by the largest margin, the opponent did not stand a chance. Averaging a whopping 53.07 points, means no luck was needed, giving him more Unlucky Points (very technical). Each Highlighted green numbers are high scorers for that week.

This sheet shows how much you lost each game by. If you just barely lost the game that week by a just a few points, that would be considered UNLUCKY. M. Wild's gRape Van had the biggest loss this season so far by a whopping 81.51 points, with that big loss he was the luckiest with the largest average losing score, . On the Flip Side, MyCouchPullsOutIDont was the "UNLUCKIEST" because he lost his games by the smallest margin, the opponent just BARELY beat him on multiple occasions. Averaging a measly 13.70 points, means no luck was helping him out, giving him more Unlucky Points (very technical). Each Highlighted red numbers are losses to the high scorers for that week.

This sheet shows how many points you were projected to get each week and then averaged to show how bad or good your team performs. The Dobby Debacle averaged only 109.07 points each week, making them unlucky, including the lowest projected score of the season at 97.41. The Shawshank Ramondre averages a staggering 130 points each week! Including the highest projected score of 140.40 points!

This sheet shows how many points you exceeded or fell short of your projected score each week. The total shows if your team fells short or exceeded your projections. Second Harvest fell short of his projections for the year by a whopping -101.33 points and fell short by the most in a single week at -54.53 points making him the UNLUCKIEST. MyCouchPullsOutIDont exceeded the highest amount in a single week at 56.63 points and Tannesaurus Rex exceeded his projected points for the year by a total of 86.46 points making him the LUCKIEST.

This one is a "2 for 1" sheet. On the Chart to the left of the thick black line you can see your Managing Skills. Each Week shows how many more points you could have scored if you picked the right players to start; this is calculated when say a player on your starting lineup scores less but someone on your bench scored more (this took me forever) If there is a Green 0, then that means you started your best lineup. Then it shows your current total points and how many you missed. THEN highlighted in orange is the WHAT IF section. This section shows how many points you COULD have if you played your BEST lineup and what your record COULD be if you started the best players. Tompa Baydy missed a staggering 238.22 points and could have won 4 more games with a 9-2 record! On the Flip Side, Impotent Sea Snakes left the least number of points on his bench and no alteration to his lineup would have changed his 6-5 record.

Unlucky Points dished out accordingly.

This super scientific chart of compiled Unlucky Points shows you what you want to believe really.

Second Harvest, Tompa Baydy, Redshirt Expendables & MyCouchPullsOutIDont have been the Unluckiest teams.

M. Wild's gRape Van, DomePatrol, The Shawshank Ramondre & Tannesaurus Rex being the Luckiest teams.

Its Just Luck Aaron

Obviously, Aaron, as we can all see above you're a lucky son a bizznitch. It's not skill, it's not determination, it's just the Fantasy God's Blessing you... temporarily. Temporarily because you got cocky, you opened your mouth, and whined about no one talking about your few weeks of glory and have not graced 1st place since, the Fantasy Gods have taken away their blessing and punished you and us all. They took Cooper Kupp away from you and they raised up Tim to punish the rest of us. The Gods let you post a poop sandwich worth of points last week. Milk was a bad choice. With approximately 70% chance of making the playoffs, you have seven top 12 players by position on your team and a final 3 weeks where you are projected to win. So how are you gonna mess this up?

SamWISE GamGeeeeesh

Sam, somehow you are the 2nd luckiest person... but definitely not lucky with a couple key draftees that flopped. Russell Wilson and Trevor Lawrence were complete let downs for you for the year up to this point, surely internally battling with which one to start and not always getting it right. Drafting 2 Defenses and keeping them way too long, may have been the biggest factor to your 3-8 record. George Kittle has been a slow start, but it may be too little too late. You have what I'd like to call a 1% chance to make the playoffs. Fighting for the 6th spot It’s a MUST win out scenario these next 3 weeks and the 6 other individuals in the bottom 7 cannot get more than 6 wins. If they get 6 wins, you must have more points than them. This isn't impossible but not likely, especially with you facing Shawshank Ramondre this week and you've had the MOST points scored against you (thats kinda unlucky). Do I have faith that you can make a playoff run? no. BUT you do have Luck! Theres always that... and the consolation bracket prize!

FLYING V!!!!

Whats funny is that there are 3 of you... Mike, Mark and Morgan, you can actually make a flying V. Our 3rd Luckiest team who has the highest projected scores week after week is making a run for the top spot and the championship. With a 96% chance of making the playoffs, the team who nailed the WHAT IF points category could have the most points right now with a few better coaching decisions, but I guess second most will do for now. Sporting the #1 scoring Player in Patrick Mahomes along with studs Davonte Adams (#11) and Tony Pollard (#32) shoving out 30+ bangers last week you easily secured your second weekly high score. I'm not sure theres anything that can stop this flying V. I think the only way to shake this hot streak is for you to enact "D2: The Mighty Ducks"... add new weird players (Travis Homer, CHECK), let fame get to your head (you actually believed me when I said nothing can stop you: check), and then go on a losing streak. Good Luck! ... get it?! I'm looking forward to enacting revenge on your feathery butt.

Wait. Wait... I'm winning?

Well we wouldn't know it was Tim, because you changed your name out of the blue, and 2/3 of the way through the season. As the 4th Luckiest Team, the only team to have clinched a playoff spot, the least amount of points scored against you, the highest amount of points, a 9 game winning streak, an average of 2.5 waiver wire pick ups a week, the only team with a TE who has only scored double digit points all year, the highest points scored above projections and you still dont know how team names work. Maximus Decimus Meridius commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions and loyal servant to the TRUE emperor, Marcus Aurelius... would be disappointed in your misquoted team name. Redshirt Expendables are not going down without a fight in our 2nd matchup of the season. Your road to breaking the most wins in a season is not easy as you have High Speed Chase and Shawshank Rhamondre in the coming weeks.

Are you not entertained?!

Lets try this again

When you win, its by a lot. When you lose, its not by a lot... sound familiar? Guy is sitting on a 50% chance of making the playoffs, this is your chance to make a run... again... Last year you scored the most regular season points and were 9-6 but couldn't get to the Championship game. Jonathan Taylor was your Bell Cow, this year he has scored less than half the points that he had put up at this stage in the season. But oh Melvin Gordon... inefficient and just got waived... hmm. Zach Ertz, superb output up until week 10 when he got injured for the season. Well, you have this going for you, you consistently start the best players on your team (despite if they aren't all great, maybe you could have picked up a few better ones on the waiver wire instead of trying to be tied for least moves) and have left the least points on your bench. You definitely got lucky in week 9 when you played The Shawshank Rhamondre when Patrick Mahomes was on BYE and Mark Andrews was trying to remember if he was hurt. But Fields and Waddle have been pleasant surprises that might carry you to a 2nd term.

You ate BOTH Pills... SMH

Middle of the pack on the luck-o-meter scoreboard. With the 2nd lowest projected score week after week, combined with underperforming greatly on those projections, and having the 2nd hardest schedule with the 2nd most points scored against you... James, why didn't you make more waiver wire moves or trades. Having been in last place for the majority of the season you had prime access to the weeks best players and by week 6, I would have scrapped A. Mattison. You did however make one trade to upgrade a WR and fill in a BYE week QB spot. With a 20% chance to make the playoffs, every game you play and point you earn, along with those around you are crucial. 2 tough games ahead with this week against fellow 4-7 record holder Second Harvest, a win here will double your chances of playoff glory and a possible chance to use the massage connoisseur's skill set. Is it too late to save humankind from the Matrix?

WELP... someone had to say it

Also middle of the pack on the luck-o-meter scoreboard: JennyO. With the lowest projected score week after week, combined with underperforming greatly on those projections, and having the least number of points scored overall... somehow you are not in last place! haha! With an 8% chance of making the playoffs, you almost need a new team... I mean almost need a full-on miracle. And you are working and praying and hoping for that, which is apparent by your 35 Waiver Wire acquisitions, almost 3 weeklies. With a rough last 4 weeks going 1-3, losing by less than 2 points week 10 and having your kicker be your highest scorer week 11 for a total of 67 points... I'd start researching getting sponsored by whatever Tim's team name is by the end of this week. Averaging less than 100 points in the last 3 games, is not what a former Champ and the leagues 3rd highest win % would keep doing. There's one thing that you can do to increase your odds for success... I don't know what it is but I'm sure there's gotta be ONE thing...

IR Players: Win Championships

Reese... 3 games... just 3 better managing decision weeks... and you could have been 8-3, and then this IR strategy might not seem so crazy. Oh, they weren't always on the IR...? You mean your 2nd and 3rd round draft picks are hanging out in the locker rooms and warming the benches now?! Well, that's silly, are you sure you are JennyO's Team? Bazinga! Nothing like top tier IR designations to grind your gears. With an approximate 40% chance to make the playoffs, you have had the 3rd hardest season and the 3rd least number of points scored, so I would say you are doing good for yourself considering. This week's match up against fellow 5-6 team Tompa Baydy, is a tight contest but could decide who moves onto the playoffs. You get lucky on your wins by sneaking by, can you do it again?

Do you Remember?

Sitting around a 7% chance on making the playoffs, former 2-time Champ Eamonn is holding the leagues 3rd highest win% and is in the dumps throwing steaks at weird kids on bikes. The next 3 week are considered the easiest 3 weeks compared to any other team. You are Fighting for the 6th spot. It’s a MUST win out scenario and the 6 other individuals in the bottom 7 cannot get more that 6 wins. If they get 6 wins, you must have more points than them, lucky for you... you already have more points than all of them! You've had some QB woes up until now and for some reason having 2 kickers right now is not helping your cause... but maybe thats why you won the kicking competition... seems like you and DomePatrol's hang out too much. You are lock and loaded with McCaffrey and Jacobs, but you might need to take some risks at that Flex position on the waiver wire or bench to knock this 7-game losing streak. Tied for the least Waiver Wire moves, its time to shake things up!

So... Points are Good?

"Tompa Baydy missed a staggering 238.22 points and could have won 4 more games with a 9-2 record!" - Matt Wilday

Yeah, that's right, I quoted myself from up above. Now imagine being 9-2 if you just started your best players each week... wowza. David, you left almost 240 potential points, that's like 2 entire weeks' worth of points, DANG. A lot of this ended up being the QB and Flex position. Now with a 44% chance of making the playoffs, and a relatively even match this week; a win here will greatly increase your odds for playoff contention. The best WR in the League cannot carry you to Champ Town, so drop him so that I can pick him back up, because I miss him.

"THE UNLUCKIEST"

Thats right, Jimmy, you read that right. When you won, you blew them... out of the water. When you played, you fell far below your projections. When you looked at your bench, you decided to lock out 200 plus points, which could have been a potential 3 more wins. The Fantasy Gods or Father Luck surely hate you, but I have a feeling that their UNLUCK is running out. You've been trading, picking up and building a team that can score a lot of points. They all haven't been scoring all season, but they are coming alive now, much like Aaron's stinky corn flakey work socks that have been behind the washing machine for a year. 38% Chance at a playoff spot is not too shabby. With 2 high powered QB's who do you pick?

You guys suck

60% of the time, it works every time. Which happens to be the same odds of me, Matt, making the playoffs.

I hope Dawson Knox your teeth out when I play you. I got T. Hill and T. Hill, cash me outside.

I STILL have 7 top 12 players. I have the 3rd most unlucky points but consistently out score my projections.

Suck an Egg.

11/23/22 Waivers Wire Acquisitions:

Jenny: 35

Tim: 29

Mike/Mark/Morgan: 24

Matt: 19

Jimmy: 17

David: 17

Aaron: 16

Reese: 16

Sam: 14

Eamonn: 10

James: 10

Guy: 10

Owns a Top 12 ranked player by position

Name: QB/RB/WR/TE/K/DEF – TOTAL

(BLUE highlight for owning #1 in category)

Matt: 1/1/1/2/1/1 - 7 (-)

MMM: 1/2/1/2/0/1 - 7 (+1)

Aaron: 1/2/2/1/1/0 - 7 (+1)

James: 2/0/2/0/1/1 - 6 (-)

Guy: 2/1/1/1/0/1 - 6 (+1)

Tim: 1/0/1/1/1/1 - 5 (+1)

Eamonn: 1/2/0/1/1/0 - 5 (-1)

Jenny: 1/0/0/1/1/1 - 4 (+1)

Sam: 0/2/0/1/0/1 - 4 (-1)

Jimmy: 0/1/3/0/0/0 - 4 (-1)

David: 1/0/1/0/0/1 - 3 (-2)

Reese: 1/1/0/0/0/1 - 3 (-2)

10/26/22

Week 7 has come and gone, and we are officially at halfway point of the regular season! Week 7 brought a bunch of back-and-forth live projection battles, with Coach Matt exceeding his projections by more than 30 points taking home the high score for the week and Coach JennyO fell far below their projections by more than 30 points.

League Watch Parties, Come on out!

October 30th @ 1pm - Romos Pizzeria in Glenmont

November 13th @ 4pm - Romos Pizzeria in Glenmont

November 27th @ 12pm - Rivers Casino (Come early to place bets!)

December 11th @ 1pm - Dog Haus in Clifton Park

December 18th @ 1pm - Hill St Cafe in Albany

But I digress...

Let me tell you Why Aaron Sucks

Aaron… Overall League record as of today is 51-62, his team name speaks of my name and the first time we met, the year he did the best in the playoffs he finished 5th with a regular season record of 6-7, he doesn’t come to the drafts and play our games, the first time he is stationed in first place for more than a week he whines, the team that is doing so well wasn’t even drafted by him, and I don’t think he loves us anymore… OR maybe he’s just LUCKY... Lucky(or Unlucky) Year 13 has M.Wild’s gRape Van looking more like Scooby Doo’s Mystery Machine… a little better but still crazy. Admittedly he took full advantage of his keepers and the 13th year rule, and they have been pillars on his team. With two weekly high scores under his belt this year, thanks to Cooper Kupp, Jalen Hurts, Saquon Barkley and Nick Chubb. Coach Aaron is certainly putting up good numbers scoring the 3rd most points and has been able to stand his ground despite having the 2nd most points scored against him. He also is sporting 4 players on the Can't Cut List, which is an achievement all by itself. The Commish is looking forward to week 9’s matchup, where you will surely pick up starting RB Duke Johnson to try and turn the tide in your favor.

Playoffs...!? Playoffs?!

Too early for playoff discussion, but look who is in first place, Former Waiver Wire Action Man, Coach Tim is now leading a slightly different life as “Tannesaurus Rex” with the help of starting QB Ryan Tannehill… wait he doesn’t have Tannehill on his team… well surely this is an oversight that has never happened before… (looks at Almanac) “2 Gurleys 1 Cup”… no Todd Gurley… “Maytheforsettbewithu”… no Justin Forsett… “MultipleScoregasms” … definitely never more than one... Well then his past team names MUST have made up for this obvious simple oversight with all their Majesty and Obvious Power that struck fear into his opponents lets look… “Money Shot”, “Bad Neighbears”… and who could forget the mighty 3-11 season with the “New York Seals”? Oh well, let's not let a team name detract from this achievement for Coach Tim: First Place. With only 4 top 12 players (stats listed at bottom of Bish) he has been able to score the most points overall thus far this season, on a 5-game win streak (including a week 5 Monday night 26-point deficit Kelce 4 TD comeback banger), 1-week high scorer, and the luckiest son of a gun I know… because when I look at your team, I am left scratching my head. The rest of you please do this as you will also do the same. With 6 players who have scored 50 or less points on your roster this season, there is only one way you could have managed your team SO precisely in order to start players only on their boom weeks… and that is because you must have traveled Back to the Future and gotten the 2000-2022 Grays Sports Almanac.

I think you actually Kept ... Jonathan Taylor Thomas

Coach Guy, and his Impotent Sea Snakes are on a 4-game losing streak. The #1 ranked predraft player, Jonathan Taylor is currently ranked 132 and not living up to the hype. In order to not only live up to his hype but earn that glorious 2nd round keeper spot Talyor may need a real-life team change. Speaking of keepers not hauling their weight, Dalvin Cook, 5th pick overall is behaving like 6th ROUND debacle. But there is a shimmer of hope on the horizon for the Sea Snakes, Brian Robinson Jr. Future powerhouse RB paired with high scoring Kyler Murray, Jaylen Waddle and the Buffalo D giving you a good chance to end your streak this week against The Shawshank Rhamondre. With only 4 waiver wire moves in 7 weeks, it may be time make some changes before you get yourself a Belly Button Piercing… and locked up at Shawshank... Shawshank Redemption 2 is lookin kinda scary, so you better get busy winning or get busy dying. This is the week!

Ghosting and catfishing himself

Team Name: High Speed Chase… Ja’Marr Chase is on Coach Reese’s team… see Tim, now that makes sense AND it’s the team's best player and rank #11 overall thus far in the season. Chase and Herbert have been point studs along with recent IR spot holder Breece Hall. They kept the numbers high enough to secure a 5th place spot. Hall, who even with his recent injury, is a top 7 RB and has scored 115 plus points and will be sorely missed and surely would have locked you into a playoff spot if he remained healthy (Especially if you start getting some 40 bangers with Derrick Henry). Just an FYI there's an empty spot on our roster… or is that Manti Teo's Girlfriend... a Halloween Special Ghostie Player... its like Madden Ultimate Team converted over to Fantasy Football and got possessed... tale as old as time.

I'd work on the TE Position if I were you, Kyle Pitts may have been the worst pick up in the draft 2nd round pick with current undrafted value with a meager 6 points a game average.

"I put the good players on the wrong team" - Jimmy

Words that may have been made up or overheard at this years draft, maybe its because it was dark, the world may never know. Second Harvest Coach Pierce, under a strange sequence of events has two teams this year. Or at least that what the rest of the league witnessed as he drafted two teams. But let's focus now on the one he drafted that is sucking at 2-5. With only one game that was not “cut and dry” this season, losing to DomePatrol week 4 on your best scoring week by 3 points… must have been similar to the ironic feeling Marshawn Lynch felt being a yard away from. But Coach Jimmy… you being you, scooped up recent 3rd round draft pick turned IR listed and dropped (by Coach Jenny) Elijah Mitchell to a possible staff for next year. And as you know stashes and stashing is a skill you are well versed in… as you had 16th round Keeper Cam Akers all last year. Great value yes, but as football is football any given Sunday it has yet to pay significant dividends. Just like Aaron Rodgers and Jerry Jeudy, but with a hopeful Cam Akers trade and the recent Hopkins return this past week sporting an easy 20 banger, things are looking up for Second Harvest. QB Woes with the happy but sluggish Aaron Rodgers may be putting you in the market for an upgrade in order to get ahead.

Loose the Bruce! Or Maybe Geno

Lets look a little further down our noses to 12th place spot holder: The Suess is Loose.

When the highest scoring player on your team is waiver wire acquisition Geno “The Jaw” Smith. It might be high time to draft players out of the League… like Brucie! Especially since Keepers Najee and Schultz have been weighing you down big time. Their sub norm performances and injuries this season have surely been a frustration. But just like the real like Cowboys, these Fantasy Defense Cowboys are #1 in the league, but unlike real life I'm not sure defenses can win championships.

A carefully crafted trade or the every other week 1st pick on the waiver wire will hopefully turn the tides. It may be time to get rid of Gallup or trade handcuff Mattison for someone that you can use.

Hopeful Outlook: Raheem Mostert, just put up 20 plus points and he is primed for some high numbers these next 3 weeks and is a must start.

Dreadful Outlook: Tom Brady is basically Un-droppable and has only been startable in 2 of 7 games

In the Mix for sixth

MyCouchPullsOutIDont / Tompa Baydy / DomePatrol / The Dobby Debaucle

Fantasy Combine Stud

Coach Eamonn’s early round RB draftees Josh SLAYcobs and Christian McCaffrey, has bumped his team up into playoff contention and with their help has outscored more than half the league. He can thank his physical prowess and dominance in the draft games for this.

MyCouchPullsOutIDont’s 8th round keeper Deebo Samuel has been a rock-solid Keeper, and with the help TJ Hockenson’s near 40 pointer banger week 4 Coach Eamonn put together the seasons highest weekly score at 178 points. But can having the best Kicker in the league help this Ring hungry manager overcome his inadequacies at QB? Time will tell

Hopeful Outlook: Having a healthy Christian McCaffrey on San Fransisco will give Garoppolo breathing room to be more effective and Deebo some more PPR points as a pass catcher.

Dreadful Outlook: Having a broken Christian McCaffrey

Keep on Keepin On

Coach Dave has the #1 WR, thanks to a successful trade preseason for Stefon Diggs. Diggs is averaging more that 25 points a game, but the supporting cast has only recently started waking up. Alvin Kanyoupleasestartthisweek-ara seems to finally become healthy but how long will it last? New Eli AKA Daniel Jones isn't making waves with crazy high points but he has rushed for over 340 yards so far this season and rushed for 2 TD's. New ELI recently got some more WR weapons back like Wan'Dale Robinson and with SaQuon being a complete stud this year it takes the pressure off him which is what he needs to succeed. I dont' like pumping up a Giants player but he may be the key to success on Tompa Baydy's team because "NON-retired Super Bowl Champ Totally Still Active Player" Matthew Stafford does not have a team thats clicking and theres little hopes at this point for a turn around this season from him.

Injured Las Vegas players Darren Waller(3rd round pick) and Hunter Renfrow(6th round pick) have not been synching up or putting up projected numbers and are a leading cause for this 3-4 season start. Holding on a little longer for some healthy players may be all that you need, lets see if you can float above! A win this week would be a good push up in the rankings as he is playing fellow 3-4 team, MyCouchPullsOutIDont.

Austin WReckeler

Coach Sam made his Fantasy Almanac debut by being the team with the best Win percentage at 66%. Just slow rolling a slap in the face to us all from the bottom of the totem pole to the top!

Keepers Ekeler and Fournette are performing great especially with their draft value at 2 & 7 respectively. Ekeler is the number one scoring RB by more than 30 points and is the 2nd highest scoring player overall; this is the power of PPR right here 53 catches on 61 targets, STUD.

So, what's keeping him at 3-4. WR's? His first-round pick being Boom or Bust Mike Evans has not looked 100% all year. QB's? Russell Wilson forgot how to football, Kirk Cousins is steady, and Trevor Lawrence is up and down on his run heavy team... but yes 3 QB's are rostered. All 3 are good enough to be great and surely have some trading leverage in any one of them. TE's? Also 3 rostered, Kittle, Gesicki and Tonyan. Kittle was injured and is now ramping up and should be an every week start, on a team that could be turning around just like DomePatrol could be, with a few tweaks or appropriate player starts.

Oh Shiz... that didn't work

Well Dobbins was "released"... and that didn't work. Back in the cave with the Kraken for you!

The Dobby Debacle is hovering in 9th place with the least points scored, the lowest weekly score of the season (stats listed at bottom of Bish) 66-ish (and gracing that list 3 times), the most waiver wire moves (25), only 3 top 12 players by position and only one rostered player who has scored over 100 points. Now that 100 plus point player is Josh Allen, and he is the league leader in points with 177. Josh Allen has also already had his BYE week, so your roster does not need a backup QB filling up space... but looking at your roster neither do players I have never heard of before! HA!

You have also beaten your Yahoo generated draft projections of finishing 2-12 already! Being in a race for 6th place is a good place to be but playing M. Wild's gRape Van this week isn't. But all hope is not lost, if you are able to double your wins in the next 7 games you will be the 8th person to make the playoffs with only 6 wins. Dissect that waiver wire feed, give some a sock and win.

Morgan Knows the ISH

The Shawshank Rhamondre has been graced by an excerpt from their teammate the great Morgan Freeman.

(CLICK ME)

The presence of God aka Morgan Freeman has ramped up this team in more ways than one. #cottoncandynotincluded

Now you know

Red Shirts, they are expendable... or they just happen to always die. LLAP

Coach Matt has the most top 12 ranked players by position (stats listed below), his team of Redshirts Expendables have laid down two weekly high scores, dons the 4th highest points in the league AND has had the easiest scheduled season so far by having the least number of points scored against them.

Joe Burrow, Tyreek Hill, Aaron Jones and Mike Williams have been victorious over and over in battle and have proved their Klingon worth for Stovokor!! ARRGH!

But Keeper Michael Thomas bowed out after 2.5 weeks averaging 20 points a game and then hasn't returned yet, similar stories with Wan'Dale Robinson and Treylon Burks. Potential and skill, just need some game time. And dont get me started with Dawson Knox or James Robinson.

If you managed to read this far into the post good for you, Just know that Im going to win and Aaron isn't.

Weekly High Scores for $$:

Week 1: M. Wild’s gRape Van – 165.12

Week 2: Redshirt Expendables – 168.56

Week 3: Tannesaurus Rex – 171.22

Week 4: MyCouchPullsOutIDont – 178.40

Week 5: M. Wild’s gRape Van – 150.34

Week 6: The Shawshank Rhamondre – 157.02

Week 7: Redshirt Expendables – 157.54

Weekly Low Scores for Shame:

Week 1: The Dobby Debacle – 101.08

Week 2: Second Harvest – 74.96

Week 3: DomePatrol – 69.91

Week 4: The Suess is Loose – 77.05

Week 5: Second Harvest – 86.30

Week 6: The Dobby Debacle – 84.26

Week 7: The Dobby Debacle – 66.17

Waivers Wire Acquisitions:

Jenny: 25

Tim: 22

Mike/Mark/Morgan: 16

Aaron: 11

Matt: 11

Jimmy: 10

David: 10

Reese: 10

Sam: 9

Eamonn: 5

Guy: 4

James: 4

Owns a Top 12 ranked player by position

Name: QB/RB/WR/TE/K/DEF – TOTAL

(RED highlight for owning #1 in category)

Matt: 1/1/2/1/1/1 - 7

MMM: 1/1/1/2/0/1 - 6

Aaron: 1/2/1/1/1/0 - 6

Eamonn: 0/2/1/1/1/1 - 6

James: 2/0/1/1/1/1 - 6

Reese: 1/2/1/0/0/1 - 5

David: 1/0/1/1/1/1 - 5

Sam: 1/2/0/1/0/1 - 5

Guy: 1/0/1/1/1/1 - 5

Jimmy: 0/2/2/1/0/0 - 5

Tim: 1/0/1/1/0/1 - 4

Jenny: 1/0/0/1/1/0 - 3

Commish Opinion:

Best Keeper:

Jimmy w/ Cam Akers- ADP 3rd Rnd & kept 16th Rnd

Worst Draft Picks:

Jenny w/ JK Dobbins- ADP 5th Rnd & drafted 1st Rnd

Guy w/ Kenyan Drake- ADP 220(undrafted) & drafted 10th Rnd

Tim w/ Jameson Williams- ADP 254(undrafted) & drafted 10th Rnd

Tim w/ Tyler Bass- ADP 207(undrafted) & drafted 11th Rnd

James w/ Michael Gallup- ADP 231(undrafted) & drafted 12th Rnd

Tim w/ Shakir Khalil- ADP 629(undrafted) & drafted 14th Rnd

~ Draft ADP RankingS ~

Scores were taken just from the first 14 rounds - Scores are based on ADP; ADP subtracted by when player was actually drafted.

The Lower your score, the closer you drafted players where they "should have been drafted" according to the "experts".

The higher your number, the farther you reached for someone you wanted, when you most likely could have gotten them rounds later.

1: 29 - Guy

2: 33 - Jenny

3: 37 - Matt

4: 49 - Dave

The above Coaches drafted on average within 1-3 picks from the actual ADP

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5: 83 - Reese

6: 108- Mike/Mark/Morgan

7: 111- Sam

The above Coaches drafted on average within 5-7 picks from the actual ADP

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8: 155- Jimmy

9: 163- Eamonn

10: 177- James

11: 179- Aaron

The above Coaches drafted on average within 9-12 picks from the actual ADP

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12: 674- Tim

(Yes you read that last one right, lol!)

The above Coach drafted on average within 42 picks from the actual ADP

~ Yahoo's Draft Results ~

Finishing Projection (based on scores and match ups):

1st : Guy, Impotent Sea Snakes -12-2 record w/ 2,243 points

2nd : Eamonn, MyCouchPullsOutIDont - 11-3 record w/ 2,199 points

3rd : Jimmy, Second Harvest - 8-6 record w/ 2,110 points

4th : Aaron, M.Wilds gRape Van - 8-6 record w/ 2,088 points

5th : Reese, High Speed Chase - 8-6 record w/ 2,052 points

6th : Sam, Dome Patrol - 7-7 record w/ 2,103 points

7th : MMM, Hot Chubb Time Machine - 7-7 record w/ 2,093 points

8th : James, The Suess is Loose - 7-7 record w/ 2,061 points

9th : Tim, Quaranteam - 7-7 record w/ 2,044 points

10th: Matt, Redshirt Expendables - 4-10 record w/ 1,998 points

11th: David, Tompa Baydy - 3-11 record w/ 2,016 points

12th: Jenny, ROMulator - 2-12 record w/ 1,975

2022 Keepers

Some will be remembered as great decisions,

others ... not so much...

Aaron: Kupp 2nd & Barkley 7th

Reese: Chase 6th & Amon St. brown 10th

Guy: D. Cook 1st & J. Taylor 2nd

Jimmy: J. Jefferson 6th & Cam Akers 16th

Matt: T. Hill 3rd & M. Thomas 11th

Tim: Javonte Williams 6th & T. Etienne 12th

Mirk: M. Pittman 10th & M. Andrews 4th

Jenny: J. Allen 4th & Rashaad Penny 14th

Eamonn: D. Swift 3rd & D. Samuel 8th

Sam: Ekeler 2nd & Fournette 7th

James: N. Harris 1st & D. Schultz 10th

David: Kamara 1st & Diggs 2nd

08/18/2022 - Preseason Dirty Laundry

Here we are just 15 days away from when Keepers are due, and any trades must be finalized (September 2nd 12pm).

Also, just 19 days away from our Pig Roast Draft Party

September 6th 5pm, come early!

As I do, I sit and ponder with my Championship Trophy nearby...

I laugh at how horrible you all are at fantasy football...

I have taken it upon myself to put some of the dirty laundry out there and I compiled the pre-season rankings of all your players.

I have decided once again share your teams overall ADP score and have listed it below.

I take the ADP of everyone on your team and take the average and that is your score!

So, the Higher the score the worse your group of players is then the lower the better.

This is for fun and maybe will help you decide if you should make a trade and which team possibly has some people that are trade worthy.

Sam: 177 (Last Year: 125)

James: 172 (Last Year: 137)

David: 166 (Last Year: 143)

Eamonn: 156 (Last Year: 156)

Jenny: 154 (Last Year: 119)

Aaron: 153 (Last Year: 162)

(My suggestion, anyone with an average over 150 might not have enough players to have 2 good keepers, and may be open for a trade, also these teams look like shiz)

Matt: 137 (Last Year: 96)

Jimmy: 136 (Last Year: 126)

Reese: 132 (Last Year: 93)

Mike: 130 (Last Year: 167)

(My suggestion, anyone from 126-150, has some good players on their team but also may be looking for something that is better suited for their team outlook. These teams have skid marks, but they don’t care.)

Tim: 125 (Last Year: 107)

Guy: 104 (Last Year: 170)

(My suggestion, these teams in the 100-125 range probably have their keepers figured out and still have 1-2 other players available that are still good value. Turning your underwear inside out... thats cool right??)

NOBODY

(These fine fellows with a sub 100 draft ranking score are in the upper echelon of fantasy footballers, not only do they have maids come & only use wet wipes with extra vitamin E to clean their bleached butt holes, they also have too many good players on their team & will easily be willing to part with some as they may have 2-4 extra players, they are willing to grace your team with.)

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